Fair Exchange

November 19, 2001

           Today, this guy that I totally love asked me out! I soooooo love him! It’s been 13 days! So cool! I went to the movies with him and two of our other friends yesterday. Our friends started to kiss, and we didn’t even hold hands. That’s okay though because I know we’re totally going to kiss soon, on the lips, and it will be so worth the wait!

December 8, 2001

           Today I got dumped. He’s such a jerk! We never kissed or held hands, but that’s ok, I’m glad because I hate him! I hate him for many reasons, too many to list. Boys are so dumb.

January 7, 2002

             I have a new boyfriend! He asked me out on December 19, 2001. I really want to kiss him. I don’t know why, I just do. Should I say something to him? He’s just so amazing! He cares so much about me and he is really nice. And he’s soooo hot! I hope we never break up.

February 3, 2001

           Tonight, at the school dance, my boyfriend and I had our first fight. He was upset about something, and he wouldn’t tell me what it was, he wouldn’t even talk to me. I cried, and I got so mad. And then I cried more when my friend told me that my boyfriend told her that he called me and broke up with me yesterday. But that never happened. He never even called me. I love him sooo much I don’t want us to break up! He means a lot to me. I really love him; it’s something I just feel in my stomach.

February 20, 2001

           I broke up with my boyfriend today. He got too clingy. I’m fine with it. I’ve already moved on! I have a crush on my old boyfriend again. He likes me too. I think we’re going to get married someday…

         I was in the 6th grade when I received my first diary which I have kept hidden the majority of my life. As I looked back on all of the entries, some of which are above, I realized one very important and pretty menacing fact about myself and diaries; I only write when it’s about a boy. Every single entry from that darned thing was about a silly boy!

I penned my thoughts whenever something that I considered crucial happened in my life and sadly, the only things I have to look back on are being asked out, dumped or my clouded thoughts on love. I cannot help but laugh hysterically at myself when I read the things that came out of my mouth when I was younger. According to my little white Precious Moments diary, I must have fallen in love 57 times from the ages of twelve to twenty-two. In ten years of my life, I found nothing more important to write about and obsess over than the awkward and tragic love of a boy.

         The struggle started at a young age for me. I have been boy crazy since I could walk, and hell bent on finding love since I could talk. I shared my first passionate kiss with a boy at the age of 4. And when I say passionate, I mean passionate. I will never forget the way it all came about. My best friend at the time, a boy, and I, were sent to the front yard to color one sunny morning. My mom had supplied us with a small stack of coloring books, and a fresh pack of Crayola crayons. We decided to color out of my “Barbie Goes to Prom” coloring book. He and I shuffled through the pages, pretending we could read the story that followed the outlined drawings.

Finally, we settled on the final page in the book. Barbie and Ken were dressed in their finest, sharing a waltz at their prom with their lips locked ever so fervently! We got about half way through coloring the picture when he suggested that we go play instead. Running down the long driveway, we soon found ourselves behind an old horse trailer parked in the middle of my family’s horse ranch. One of us suggested pretending we were Barbie and Ken at prom, he Ken and I Barbie (of course!).

We gave the waltz our best attempt when suddenly, his lips landed smack on top of mine! I don’t remember my initial reaction but I do recall going in for another that lasted for what seemed to be forever and was repeated multiple times throughout the day. To this day, I will never forget the
“butterflies” in my stomach or the slobber strewn across my face.

For all of the people who told me I needed to share my adventures in love and life…

here goes……


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